In defense of human-animal hybrids

I've been refraining from taking the bait and responding to President Bush's call for a ban on "human-animal hybrids" in his State of the Union Address last week, but I can no longer continue to hold my tongue. As the Sardine Man, it is my obligation to speak out.

Since this is a food blog, I will keep my political commentary brief: the President's call for a ban is overtly speciesist. {Seeing as it comes from a human-plant hybrid like Mr. Bush, I am not surprised}.

I am not alone in my opinion. My wife N agrees with my condemnation of the President's proposal as it affects her, too. What I am about to tell you I have previously kept private, as N prefers to keep a low profile. But, in light the President's recent speech, I feel I must be open with you all.

You see, my marriage to N is what some refer to as a mixed marriage. Although I have shared with you that her family is from the west coast of India, I have not been 100% forthcoming. How do I phrase this? N's family is from just off the Malabar coast, as in the Arabian Sea. What I mean is they are merpeople.

Initially, they were upset when they had learned that their only daughter - their Little Mermaid, as they endearingly call her - had fallen for a fish-headed man that she had met in school. Eventually they came to accept that, in so many ways, we complete one another. In fact, from this point forward, I shall refer to N as My Better Half.

We were hoping to join the other human-animal hybrids at this weekend's planned demonstration in front of the White House, but we'll leave that to the centaurs, minotaurs, and other beastly types. I always feel like a fish out of water at those social events, any way. I hear Cindy She-Hen will be there and it would've been nice to have met her.

Although I fear I am jumping the shark with this post, I want to encourage each of you to add your support in the comments section of this post so that I can forward a link to the President. My Better Half and I appreciate your support on this issue.

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Note: Unfortunately, due to a sudden increase in comment spam, I have begun experimenting with moderating comments. Have no fear, though, your comments will eventually be published - unless they contain spam!

Human-Animal Hybrid|Bush

Comments

[David]

Hopeless cause, Brett...like unicorns, sardines don't exist.

[Easily Pleased]

oh good. I got here early in the comments so that I could be the one to ask the question:

How can Mr Bush be so against animal-human hybrids when he himself is at least 3/4 jackass? It seems a bit hypocritical. But then again, this is the oil man who just "informed" us we were addicted to oil.

personally, I think am at least part ruminant, as I have a distinctly separate dessert stomach.

[vanessa]

Just give me the word and i'll have the "HYBRID POWER!" t-shirts, buttons, and website up and ready.

One of my favorite typos (maybe not???) in recent weeks...
"Mediterrean"
Our best guess: a person of half mediterranean and half korean descent. basically, a really good looking person with a penchant for spicy seafood.

[kalyn]

No need to forward them to the prez. He is probably monitoring your comments.

[MM]

Maybe he watched that Jerry Springer episode of that woman who claimed she had mapped out all different "strains" of mixed heritage and came up with names for them. Or was it Oprah?

Then again, he might have misread and actually it was a call for prevention against human-animal hydrant, or human-animal hibiscus! Even more worrisome phenomenons! Guess we just got bush-whacked.

[Indira]

That's pure 'speciesist'!

Anyway, we all know who the real manimals are.

[lindy]

Perhaps it was directed at you, personally, from the start...human, animal, "Hi Brett"?

The vegetable-in-chief takes yet another courageous stand against a straw-dog (veg-animal).

[cookiecrumb]

Stand up for your rights, Brett! It's your Manifish Destiny! (I guess you have to stand up for N's rights too, because mermaids don't have feet.)

[Brett]

David, what do you mean unicorns don't exist. I'll get back to you on that one after I do some research.

Easily Pleased, you are too funny! Wouldn't it be great to have 4 stomachs? *sigh* I can only dream.

Vanessa, LOL! I think your recent suggestion of kimchi pizza and pasta definitely means you are of Mediterrean descent.

Kalyn, good point! Although I'm not so sure he can actually read, so we're probably safe. Just don't say anything to scathing on your next podcast.

MM, we've definitely all been bushwhacked.

Indira, thank you for your support, because I know you're a manimal-lover, I mean animal-lover.

Lindy, hi-Bretts and straw-dogs. Very funny!

Cookiecrumb, I love the Manifish Destiny idea!

[farmgirl]

LOLOLOL! The post was fantastic--the comments even better. Y'all are some smart freaks out there (and I say that in the kindest possible way). Also, I must personally thank Easily Pleased for that eye-opening realization. I not only live with dozens of ruminants--I must be one, too! I am now sure I have four stomachs: one dessert (like E.P.), one bread, one beer & wine, and one "other." Oh, what a relief to know I'm absolutely normal!

[Chef Gigi]

My first visit here via cookbooks 101 . You are hilarious! I love what your doing!
gg